Los Angeles - Places and Poker - High Stakes

Los Angeles

Welcome to Los Angeles, the Big Orange, home to Venice Beach, Hollywood (and Hollywood Home Game Sensation Vince Van Patten) and high stakes poker action. When people tell me Vegas rules for poker, I call bullshit on that -- they haven't seen the Commerce Casino on a Saturday night.

But, player, man does not live by chips alone, so for the next time you're in Shakytown, here's where it all goes down.

HOTELS

There are only a few hotels in LA worth a swipe of your Visa card. One is The Beverly Hills Hotel, in the heart of the 90210. We're talking old school... so old school that it's new school, and the crash of choice for the big money crowd. And yes, we're talking big money: One of the back bungalows can rack you two, maybe three grand a night. If your taste runs morbid, maybe you can get the bungalow where John Belushi bought the farm.

Further east on Sunset, and in a whole different head, you'll find The Mondrian, the place to be if you're a touring rock star or rock star wannabe. It's one of these Starck/Schrager joints, which means that everything's chrome and glass, up to the nanosecond modern, and strange-for-strange-sake hip. Check out the human fish tank behind the reception desk.

Down on Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica, there's an art deco charmer called Shangri-La. It's small, only 24 rooms, and a great escape from LA craziness, especially if you're doing a long tournament stretch at Commerce or the Bike and need a breath of fresh air.

Don't need to scram to the seaside? Then stay at The Crowne Plaza Hotel at Commerce Casino and you'll never have to go outside at all. It's a good hotel for a long stay, and you can rub shoulders with poker's superstars between here and the ice machine.

CLUBS

There's three ways to get into a top LA hotspot.

1. Know somebody.
2. Have a satchel of cash.
3. Be a hottie.

If you can't swing 1, 2 or 3, then you'll be on the outside looking in most nights at Prey and Shelter.

Prey, on La Cienega in West Hollywood, is a usual Thursday night pit stop for the likes of Leo DiCaprio, Danny Masterson, and Hugh Hefner and his band of betties. Wall to wall eye candy, and never more guys than girls. Great place to get a table and bottle service, and let the sugar come sweeten your drink.

Saturday nights at Shelter is likewise crammed with people younger, hipper, hotter and richer than you'll ever be. So crammed that if you show up as, like, a party of four guys, not even your old pal Benjamin can get you in. So crammed even hot girls have trouble sliding inside. But it's on the Sunset Strip, so if you get stuck on the rope line, at least the street parade is worth watching.

Skybar at Mondrian is another place you can go to watch the good and great meet and greet. The drinks are overpriced but the view is sick, both at the bar and into the twinkly distance.

Looking for a place where they care more about music than moves? Check out Harvelle's, Santa Monica's home of the blues since 1931. This dark sexy room is prime to hang, dance, drink, eat and groove the night away. Might even make you forget they turned you away from Prey.

RESTAURANTS

Top restaurant in a town of great restaurants: Patina, in downtown LA. Here's what Frommer says: "Patina routinely wins the highest praise from demanding gourmands, who are happy to empty their bank accounts." And Frommer ain't kidding. Their appetizers cost more than dinner and drinks at Applebee's, but where would you rather be?

You wouldn't know it to look at it, but Ivy on Robertson in Beverly Hills is one of the most place-to-be resties in LA. They canned the glamour and shoved in shabby chic, with food to fit: down home yummies like Cajun prime rib and corn chowder and desserts that'll make you find God. Catch lucky and you might see J. Lo at the next table over.

Used to be you had to go to deepest darkest Culver City to get the killer Cuban comestibles of Versailles. But they've expanded -- five locations and counting -- and each as good as the last. Black beans. Lemon and garlic roasted chicken. Fried plantains. Oh, lover, take me back to Cuba!

And oh yeah, Spago. I know it's been done to death, but Wolfgang Puck still knows how to put a meal on the table like nobody's business. Roasted cumin lamb. Fresh oysters with green chili and black pepper mignonette. And Jewish Pizza: cream cheese and smoked salmon. It's not on the menu, so you'll have to ask, but you'll look damn hip when you do.

Here's ten things to do or see in the place to be: Los Angeles

1. La Cienega Boulevard. It runs from Sunset almost to LAX, and it's the central artery for restaurants, hot spots and shopping. Pronounce it la-SEE-en-ee-guh, not la-CHEE-knee-guh.
2. Venice Beach. The shops on the east side of the boardwalk are all overpriced because the folks who run them pay rent. Your best deals are with the squatters on the ocean-side.
3. Best free sunset. Drive to the top of Griffith Park, hang out at the observatory, watch the sun go down over the city and imagine what a giant wave would do to the place.
4. Disneyland. If you have to.
5. Universal City Walk. Just like LA but without the gangs, crime or traffic. Not reality in any sense, but worth a wander.
6. La Brea Tar Pits. Travel back in time 10,000 years to when giant prehistoric mammals were too stupid not to get stuck in tar and die.
7. The other LA card rooms. You probably know Commerce and the Bike, but check out Hollywood Park, Crystal Park, Hustler, Club Caribe, Hawaiian Gardens and especially the Normandie Club, last of the throwbacks to the days of player-dealt draw and lowball. Classic.
8. Melrose Avenue. Japanese schoolgirls looking for authentic LA gear, sceney teeny-boppers, Goths and punks -- there's no place like Melrose, and even that TV show didn't ruin it.
9. Amoeba Music on Sunset near Vine. If you can think of it -- even if you can't think of it -- they have it. But man, bring a Brinks because you'll want half of what you see there and know you'll never find it anywhere else.

Vasquez Rocks in Agua Dulce on the 14 Freeway north of LA. They've shot everything here, from Star Trek to Austin Powers. Great place to clear your head and forget about LA for a while.